as the sun rises above the horizon to float like a ball of fire in the sky, I open my eyes
the world around me slowly comes into focus as a new day begins
full of possibilities and opportunities yet to be discovered
yet a haze covers my vision like a blankets woven from strands of sadness
a fog that clouds my mind and leaves me wondering what might have been
a type of nostalgia that stabs at my heart like a sword driven through my chest
who would I have become if I hadn’t had to overcome the battles I’ve faced?
what might I have experienced were it not for the detour my life decided to take?
how could things be different if I were braver, stronger, smarter, better?
the desire to be perfect is like a poisonous toxin coursing through my veins
and with each heartbeat destructive thoughts run through my mind like soldiers
marching to an endless, repetitive beat that tells me I will never be enough
I will never escape the shadows that keep me in the darkness away from the sun
I will forever be a flightless bird bound to the ground, never to soar freely
who would the girl I am be if she hadn’t been a shadow for so long?
what might I have lived to see were it not for the hopelessness that darkens my days?
how could things have changed if I were wiser, kinder, lovelier, greater?
with every breath I take the wish to be someone else reverberates in my mind
like an endless echo; a chorus of demonic voices howling in my head
I desperately wish for the courage to battle back against them
perhaps someday I will gain the fearlessness to stand up for myself
to take back the pen writing my story from the hands that have stolen it from me.”