What Might Have Been

as the sun rises above the horizon to float like a ball of fire in the sky, I open my eyes

the world around me slowly comes into focus as a new day begins

full of possibilities and opportunities yet to be discovered

yet a haze covers my vision like a blankets woven from strands of sadness

a fog that clouds my mind and leaves me wondering what might have been

a type of nostalgia that stabs at my heart like a sword driven through my chest

who would I have become if I hadn’t had to overcome the battles I’ve faced?

what might I have experienced were it not for the detour my life decided to take?

how could things be different if I were braver, stronger, smarter, better?

the desire to be perfect is like a poisonous toxin coursing through my veins

and with each heartbeat destructive thoughts run through my mind like soldiers

marching to an endless, repetitive beat that tells me I will never be enough

I will never escape the shadows that keep me in the darkness away from the sun

I will forever be a flightless bird bound to the ground, never to soar freely

who would the girl I am be if she hadn’t been a shadow for so long?

what might I have lived to see were it not for the hopelessness that darkens my days?

 how could things have changed if I were wiser, kinder, lovelier, greater?

with every breath I take the wish to be someone else reverberates in my mind

like an endless echo; a chorus of demonic voices howling in my head

I desperately wish for the courage to battle back against them

perhaps someday I will gain the fearlessness to stand up for myself

to take back the pen writing my story from the hands that have stolen it from me.”

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