I’ve decided to stop dithering around (and to use the word dithering, since I think it’s funny sounding) and actually get to work on this memoir I first started hinting towards way back in January.
I’m not sure where I’ll begin, or what all it’ll look like, but I do know that I want to chronicle my journey and the various twists and turns its taken for the public to read. It’ll sort of be like a more formal and in-depth version of this blog, essentially. I’m not going to hold back, either. There will be no holds barred when it comes to discussing both the darkest and lightest moments of my recovery. This isn’t to frighten anyone or anything like that; I simply just don’t see any point in being anything other than entirely truthful and honest.
Anorexia has long been glamorized by the media and by society. It’s considered better, and even necessary at times, to be skinny. Being thin equates to beauty, and beauty to acceptance. And that’s what we all crave as human beings: acceptance from others. I want to shatter this disgusting illusion so thoroughly that it can never be reassembled and harm anyone ever again.
Anorexia is not trendy. It is not beautiful. It is not mysterious. It is a pure hatred of yourself. It is your hair falling out in clumps and your nails becoming soft and tearing easily. It is never being able to feel warm enough or small enough. It is slowly disappearing and retreating into your own shadow. It is deadly.
I’ve got a long way to go in my recovery. Heck, I might even take some steps backwards along the way. I plan on writing about those, too. This isn’t about being positive. This is about being real. This is a story that needs to be told, and a life that deserves to be lived.
If you’d be interested in reading my memoir, please let me know by answering the following poll below. Ideas about what to include, or any tips on how to write it, are also extremely welcome. I want this to be honest and real, but I also want it to be able to help others who are fighting the same fate. I want it to remind them that they are not alone at the same time that it reminds me that I am never alone. Thank you all so much for being such an incredible support network and never failing to pick me back up when I’ve fallen down. You truly mean the world to me, and I would love it if you wanted to read what I have to say (if you’ve stuck with me to this point, you’re especially incredible)