There are no words to put to the emotions that depression creates within you. You can name them individually, sure. Sadness. Anger. Unhappiness. Fear. Emptiness. Frustration. Blankness. Exhaustion. But the word “depression” itself is somehow more all-encompassing than any one or any combination of these words is. If I really put my mind to it, perhaps I can try and define this pain for you. It’s a mental pain that becomes so overbearing and omnipresent that it can literally cause physical pain, but I will try my best.
Depression is waking up in the morning, opening your eyes to a brand new day, and wanting nothing more than to close them again permanently.
Depression is like an inky blackness that creeps its way past your defenses and worms its way into all the crevices and cracks that your happiness has left behind. It is dark and it is terrifying, and once it is in your veins, it is a devilishly intoxicating murderer of smiles and positivity.
Depression is looking at a beautiful sunrise that heralds a morning full of possibilities and vibrancy and seeing nothing but a palette of muted colors and a series of mandatory, compulsory actions that must be completed stretching out in front of you like an empty highway looming in the distance.
Depression is looking at yourself in the mirror and hyperanalyzing every little flaw until they all become one giant, hideous amalgamation that takes over your entire being.
Depression is like the slow, painful erasure of every positive thought in your mind, since you’re only ever able to write them in pencil and never in pen. They never have the permanence they need, and depression takes complete advantage of this weakness.
Depression is the physical pain that settles in your bones and expands like ice in a fissure until it’s all you can think about and all you can feel.
Depression is the inability to see the beauty and the happiness in the world around you. You might be completely immersed in it, but it’s as if you’re completely blind. Your world is that of blacks, greys, and whites, like a silent film; a scream rips through your throat, but it’s soundless and no one comes to rescue you.
Depression is like permanently drowning in an invisible ocean of self loathing.
Depression is all-consuming.
Depression is exhausting.
Depression is never being good enough.
Depression is a crushing, overwhelming wave of negativity that finds its way into your lungs and makes it damn near impossible to breathe.