Because I’m of the meticulous kind, and happen to enjoy creating lists, I’m going to list four very important and eventful things that happened to me today. It was definitely a tumultuous and tiring day full of far more than just these four items, but it’s winding down now, thank goodness. However, these things were important enough that I think they’re deserving of special mention. So here we go…
- Went to BI again for another seizure. It happened early this morning after breakfast. Apparently I scared the living daylights out of those who were present to see it happen, but everyone, including me, is doing much better now.
- Discovered that my seizures may be related to low blood sugar, which means I now get to stick myself four times daily to check where my levels are. Fortunately, they have some crazy cute and cool bandaids to cover up with afterwards.
- Managed to stay compliant while at the hospital despite everything in me willing me to do otherwise. It would have been so easy to not eat. It would have been so simple to give into my desires and behaviors. But I was stronger than my eating disorder today, and I conquered that challenge by consuming meals that correlated or were equivalent to what I would eat here for two snacks and lunch. I was, and still am, extremely proud of myself for that.
- And perhaps most importantly… Something that I am even prouder of myself for than staying the course. Something that made me smile, and honestly almost brought me to tears. And that’s that today, I looked in the mirror and didn’t feel hatred towards what I saw. I didn’t feel disgust. I didn’t even feel discontent. For once, during this whole process of recovery, I looked in the mirror and felt somewhat at peace with the girl looking back at me in the mirror. Bloating included. Slapdash makeup included. Tired eyes included. Messy hair in a ponytail included. Weight gain included. And honestly? Beauty included, because recovery is a beautiful thing.
So all in all, you could say it’s been a pretty damn eventful day. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Much love as always ❤