An Anorexic on Autopilot

Intake food. Expel self hatred.

At this point, all this mechanical eating is just because I’m hoping that someday, someone out there will care enough that I’m alive to be glad that I went through with this.

Because right now, I really don’t give a shit whether I’m alive or dead. I really don’t. So if you’re out there, mystery person, please make yourself known sooner rather than later. Thanks.

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4 thoughts on “An Anorexic on Autopilot

  1. I don’t know you at all, but it saddened me to hear you don’t value your own life. I’ve been there a few times over the years and in fact this last year has been a difficult one. Over my 50 years, I have learned that beyond the dark times there is a light, there is hope and there is joy. I’ll be praying for you. If you ever want to talk, I’m around. Virtual hugs to you!

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  2. I don’t know you, but I care that you’re here. Every day that you choose to be here, you are courageous. People who don’t struggle don’t seem to value the work of the strugglers, but as a strugglers, I appreciate your willingness to keep going, keep fighting, and keep hoping. I will hope for you. ❤

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  3. I’ve drifted through a significant portion of my life not caring about myself or what happens to me. Meanwhile I was yearning for someone to love me, to make me feel valued and beautiful. However, in time, I did find a very special someone who has been incredibly instrumental in my recovery. Yet I wouldn’t have met him if I hadn’t been healthy and thriving in the free world. Get well, gain your health and energy back, wait for that spark of life to ignite in your eyes again, and then be free. Float on, this time with renewed strength. Recovery will bestow you with the assets of vitality and a vivacious spirit. You’ll find your someone, but you need to find yourself first. Put in the work and you’ll return to the real world with a better chance of meeting someone special. But also remember that there are people right now who love you and care for you so deeply- your family, friends, peers, pets. When you can’t do it for you, do it for them. It’s a long road, I know, but eventually you’ll get there. It’s worth it, I promise. Keep fighting, I’m rooting for you.

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  4. Aww I hate that feeling!!!!! Things can get better just reach out to others who know that same pain 😦 you’re not alone. I’m a recovering drug addict, alcoholic, anorexic and still struggle with body dysmorphia. I understand you and you can be happy. I promise

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