The biggest reason (or at the very least, one of the largest) why I’m struggling so much is because I’ve lost my motivation to recover. Essentially, somewhere down this long, dark road of anorexia, I ended up giving up on living. I lost track of what makes me happy, what I aspire to do with my life, and my hopes and dreams for the future. I’ve become so consumed by anorexia that I’m blinded to what my life could be.
And the saddest part? That I can rationally state that to you, knowing full well it’s true, and yet not feel the capacity to change it.
So as I enter into another day of my journey to recovery, and seeing as each day is more difficult than the last… Could you please help me? Show me what my life could be. Describe to me what I could do, and all the hopes I should have for the future. And maybe I’ll start to believe those things matter more than the way my stomach is starting to stick out in a bloated, distended, fatty way, and my cheeks are filling in unevenly. Maybe I’ll start to believe in myself again.
Much love 💕