Twenty Tons or Twenty Years?

Breakfast was obscene. I can’t do this today, especially on my birthday of all days.

I had to eat so much food. Two hardboiled eggs, a corn muffin, two containers of Rice Chex with Lactaid, coffee, a blueberry Greek yogurt, and strawberries. I can’t keep this up today. I just can’t. If I even start to think about the amount of calories and carbs and sugar and fat I just consumed, I want to run far far away and be sick and never ever come back.

They say your birthdays are supposed to be happy. They’re the anniversaries of the day you were brought into this world. The celebration of your beginning your journey to find your purpose in life.

Today isn’t a happy birthday. I wish it were. Really I do. But how can it be when I’m stuck in the hospital with no motivation, forced to eat ridiculous amounts of food, and suffering from disorders that are slowly stripping away my desire to live?

Sorry for the truly depressing post on what should be a positive occasion.



2 thoughts on “Twenty Tons or Twenty Years?

  1. It’s twenty years, not tons. I would give the world to take away your pain…especially today. Stop being sorry. It’s okay to have struggles. It’s okay to feel cheated. Today, tell the demons no, and if you can…look at yourself through someone else’s eyes, because you deserve to. You are loved. šŸ’œ


  2. Wish you were healed from this awful disease so you could be celebrating your birthday with joy. Your life is a gift and you are growing into a strong young woman – it’s painful and yet our greatest growth comes when we are at our weakest. “For when we are weak then we are made strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10 xo

    Sent from my iPhone



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