Happy Birthday to Me?

Well, this is it. I’m twenty years old today. 

And normally I’d be all kinds of excited, but today I just feel sort of apathetic. I’m trying my best to use it as motivation or even just a general sort of inclination to try and approach all of this positively and willingly… But it’s not working. It’s like waking up expecting a snow day and realizing it’s actually sixty degrees and sunny out. Also known as this entire December, but anyways.

I have a desire to be better, but not the will to go through the process to get there. That seems to be the core problem. I have no idea how to address it, unfortunately. Much of me wants a change of scenery and a new place of treatment to see if somehow experiencing life again inspires me to take back my own. Though this is proving impossible. We’ll see how everything transpires today. Breakfast is in about an hour, so I’ll check in again after that. 

Much love 💜

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6 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Me?

  1. Happy Birthday! I kind of understand what you’re feeling, I’ve been feeling like this throughout the holiday season! Hope things get better for you. Tale care and hope you have a good day!

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  2. I know you’ve said that you’re apathetic about today. But Happy Birthday! I hope you can find something in this day that makes you smile and warms your heart just a little. You seem like a wonderful and beautiful human being. You’re so strong and brave for eveb being in treatment. Keep it up girl. I really enjoy reading your posts. ❤

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  3. Sweet and beautiful birthday girl….

    Though the road seems long, and the journey unending, you are still fighting. Your heart may be faint and your breath even laboring, you are Alive. Weak you may feel but trust when we say your courage amazes us, every single day.

    Happy Birthday love. 💜

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  4. Happy Birthday love ! You’ve made it to the big 20 , keep kicking butt and remember this day is about EMMA . You deserve to feel extra special on this wonderful day , sending hope , faith , & love your way 💕

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