My Twentieth Birthday Gift

Two relatively auspicious events will take place tomorrow. The first is one of the final days of this year’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (#edaw), which runs from February 21st through the 28th. During this time the community attempts to raise awareness about and support for those suffering from these devastating diseases, especially those who have lost their lives.
I am one of those millions afflicted. Anorexia nervosa has been a part of my life since I was ten years old.
And tomorrow, a decade later, it will be my twentieth birthday. This is a far less important event that happens to coincide with NEDAW, but it is still significant to me. Body image and perception of beauty have been things I’ve struggled with for years. My eating disorder manifested itself as a result and has since taken over my life. I’ve been hospitalized more times than I can count, hated, loathed, and despised myself, and had to put my entire life on hold for it.
I want to decide that enough is enough.
Like everyone else does as well, I deserve to feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin. To not feel compelled to regulate myself to society’s intangible conception of “perfection”. To not spend my life consumed by calories, weight, numbers, appearances, or anything that has no bearing on who I truly am.
I have so much life left ahead of me. I want to fill it with travel, art, writing, light, inspiration, love, and memories that last a lifetime well and fully spent.
Anorexia is not glamorous. It is a life-threatening disease, and I want nothing more than to be rid of it. It’s been an uphill battle and a seemingly impossible journey thus far. But in honor of nearly two decades on this planet, I want to declare that I, Emma Anastasia Clark, am perfectly imperfect just the way I am. I am on the road to recovery. It will not be easy; there will be setbacks and moments where I feel lost. But I deserve this birthday gift to myself, and perhaps in so doing, I might help someone else who is suffering as well. That would be amazing.
Much love as always 💜

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3 thoughts on “My Twentieth Birthday Gift

  1. wow, you did great writing this post.
    I hope you have the nice birthday you deserve, surrounded by lovely people you like and that can make you smile.
    The tattoo is a great idea, and I think this will help you out of your situation a lot.
    Keep going, your followers believe in you!
    xx, Birdie

    Like

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