It’s Not a Choice.

I’m tired of people thinking anorexia is a choice.

That I would willingly do something so dangerous as to not eat and risk my life. For what? Fun?

I’m tired of people thinking I’m not trying. 

As if you’re somehow in my head with all the voices screaming at me for even so much as looking at food, much less touching it. Why? Because I enjoy feeling defeated and hopeless?

This is not my choice. And I am never not trying. It’s not a game, it’s my life, and right now I’m not running the show.

Never doubt my intentions are to be back to hosting soon, though. I just am not ready right now. And I wish people understood what that meant.

Goodnight.

 

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2 thoughts on “It’s Not a Choice.

  1. I am glad you spoke out about this. I worked as a therapist in the ED unit and really hated how others didn’t understand this as a true illness. It will be a while before others even understand all sorts of illnesses, but voices like yours are a good way to get it going! They’re outsiders anyway, but the good folks will seek to better understand. xoxo

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  2. Em I’m sorry people are telling you it’s a choice. I have never had anorexia but I have had anxiety, depression and OCD and I can attest it’s not a choice. I’m learning about the brain and its complexities through an on line course on mind body techniques for healing. I also just finished a book (memoir) on PTSD called Before the World Intruded by Michele Rosenthal – her poem in the beginning was very telling as to the pain she was experiencing as are your poems. Prayers continue my dear. 💛

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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