I’ve been broken and shattered for so long that it might be impossible to put me back together

They’ve tried glue and they’ve tried tape and they’ve even tried stitches but it seems I’ll be dysfunctional forever

Maybe I like being fractured

Maybe I find it sadistically, romantically, aesthetically pleasing

Perhaps it leaves me assured

Maybe it gives me fighting spirit, dark emotions, and my life meaning

Maybe that’s twisted and sick

I’m truly and completely unsure 

I lost my guardian angel wings and my effort to breathe a while back somewhere down a winding road

And the destination I could leave for to recover them is somewhere that I can’t conceive of since I’ve never been told

Maybe I like being dangerous

Maybe I like living on the edge, flirting with darkness, selling my soul to death

Perhaps you find it slanderous

Maybe I enjoy saying I’m hideously ugly, disgustingly horrific, positively grotesque

Maybe I don’t want to feel human

I dislike myself and want to change her

I’m tattered and frayed from all the battles I’ve faced and of them I’ve won absolutely none

My efforts have been spent and my prayers all sent and I’m honestly practically done

Maybe I’ll accept my defeat finally

Maybe lying down will feel peacefully relaxing, warmly calming, and pleasantly serene

Perhaps then an end I’ll see

Maybe there’ll be a welcoming light

Maybe then someone will reach out with a caring hand, a reassuring embrace, a worried plea

Maybe I’ll accept the offer

And continue to never surrender in this fight”


One thought on “Numb

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