First of all, I’d like to start by saying that whether or not you know, February is eating disorder month. Therefore, the following post was written with that sobering fact in mind. Eating disorders are so prevalent yet so misunderstood and underacknowledged, even today.
My doctor said something frightening and extremely powerful to me yesterday. “We’d like to think, here in the medical community, that we understand eating disorders,” she told me. “We’d like to think that our protocols and ways of treating patients will truly lead to recovery. But the reality is, we don’t understand them. Not yet.”
This, I can attest, is not only painfully true, but also bravely honest. Because I personally haven’t encountered a treatment that actually makes me want to rid myself of this disorder once and for all, nor have several people in the communities and milieux I’ve been a part of. We all are striving to recover. Don’t get me wrong on that. No one truly wants to feel disgusted with themselves for how “fat” they are when they look in the mirror at an incredibly fragile, thin human being. No one wants to consume food to excess without a sense of control. No one wants to exercise until they bleed or spend hours of their life bent over a toilet to rid themselves of the nutrients they took on. No one wants food to turn to ash in their mouths and numbers in their eyes. But still it happens. And part of the problem is that it happens in such a uniquely potent way to each of us. There is no “one form of treatment” that somehow magically heals is. And that’s the biggest issue I’ve encountered. Medical teams are content to provide you with food and supplements, rules and restrictions, and jargon you halfway understand, but when it comes to healing, the job is extremely poorly done.
It’s not their faults, per se. We’ve definitely made a lot of progress over the years, especially recently, and I wouldn’t dare speak for everyone who’s been in recovery after treatment or who has fully recovered. Clearly, it can work. It’s the fact that it doesn’t, in any way at all, for so many, that is disturbing. My hope is to find my path to a successful recovery. Which is something I know I stand no chance of on my own. My disorder may affect the way I physically look most drastically, but never doubt the emotional and mental till it takes on me. That’s truly what needs addressing. All of you, my amazing team of family and friends that make up my support network; you are such an integral and key component. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I hope that you’ll join me in the fight and the genuine effort to conquer this disease; not just mine, but everyone’s, by finding the missing pieces. No one deserves this.
Much love this Thursday morning 💜