Curiously enough right now, I’m feeling relatively calm and at peace with myself. This comes after breakfast and some medication, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s part of the reason. I also kind of want to take a nap before lunch is served to mentally (and unconsciously, heh) prepare myself for what’s to come.
But it’s curious. There are lapses like this sometimes where my anorexia isn’t as all consuming. And those moments make me hopeful that someday, I will conquer it once and for all. We’ll see what the rest of the day brings. Right now it’s lightly snowing out, which is beautiful, albeit a bit chilly, to look at. I’ll be heading back to my room soon to hopefully take that hour and a half nap I feel more than entitled to, and then it’ll be time to face my lunch demons. It truly is the hardest thing in the world to me to have to eat anything, much less everything on my plate. But those are the rules here, and for right now, I’m okay with them. Subject to change very easily, unfortunately, but I’m trying to stay optimistic on this Wednesday. I think I’ll write some poetry or create a longer post should a shift in emotions come; both of those things really help when the feelings get overwhelming.
Much, much, much love to you all, as always and ever ❤